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A P. h. D. is More Useful than a Ph. D.






By:  David Deschesne, P. h. D.

Editor/Publisher, Fort Fairfield Journal

November 6, 2019


Philosophy Doctorate (Ph. D.)

   Around 14 years ago, just after I started publishing the Fort Fairfield Journal, there was a big push to divert horse trails in Maine away from potato fields and other agricultural locations due to the threat of e. coli from the horse poo.  

   It seemed to be lost on those in academia who dreamt this idea up that we used to harvest potatoes in Maine with teams of horses stomping through and crapping in the very potato fields we got our potatoes from and civilization is still here.  It also seemed to be lost on these academic elitists that potatoes are never eaten raw with the dirt still on them, but are always washed - first at the storage facility, then at home before they’re cooked.  The elitists seemed to have given up faith in the common sense of American society to wash and cook those spuds first, thinking they have forgotten how to function with day-to-day living tasks.  I submit the lack of knowledge, if any, was implanted in society by the very academics who dreamt this plan up.

   Being a responsible reporter, I contacted the University of Maine to inquire about the details of the plan to keep horses, and other animals from pooping in potato fields.  I forget the person’s name that I spoke with (the story is written in a back issue of FFJ if anyone cares to go search for it) but it was a person with a Ph. D. so I figured I’d get some intelligent answers.

   I asked Dr. Muckety-Muck, Ph. D. what the strategy was for keeping  bear, deer and moose from crapping in the potato fields once the domesticated horses are kept out.  Dr. Muckety-Muck explained how “flagging tape and scarecrows” would be used to keep those wild, big-game animals out of our potato fields.

   Really.  Flagging tape and scarecrows.  I’m surprised he didn’t also say they were going to put up signage for the animals to read:  “Keep Out: No Crapping in this Field.”   You can’t make this stuff up.  Doc Muckety-Muck Ph. D. said flagging tape and scarecrows with a straight face, sounding as if he actually believed the plan would work.   Like most ideas in academia today, while they may look good amongst the intelligentsia who loaf around those halls, in reality they lack any substantive value.

   Most of us living here in Northern Maine have at least once seen a moose, bear or deer while traveling on Maine roads.  They exist pretty much everywhere and don’t really care if they’re standing in the middle of the road, or the middle of a potato field.  When nature calls, they don’t look around for a bush to hide behind or to make sure they’re not in somebody’s garden, back yard or potato field.  They pretty much relieve themselves right where they are, then move on. 

   Now, moose are  pretty dumb animals and from what I understand have pretty bad eyesight so, for many moose encounters, people moving in slowly and in a non-intimidating manner can get pretty close without spooking them (unless, of course, it’s hunting season and there are guns going off everywhere - that tends to spook animals when they and their contemporaries are getting shot at).  So, orange flagging tape and scarecrows aren’t going to work on the moose, much less the bear, deer, skunks or coons.

   This is where we are today with the top level in academia: So smart they are stupid, so devoid of common sense they’re not functional.  But, there is hope and it can be found not in the upper echelon of society, but in the lower - the Potato House.


Potato House Degree (P. h. D.)

   For those who don’t live in an agricultural state, a Potato House is a storage facility for potatoes.  They are placed in these purpose-built houses after they are harvested and sold to processors or distributors out of them over the winter and into the Spring.  The people who work in these potato houses are usually looked down upon by many in academia as simple and “uneducated.”  However, they’re as wrong about that position as they are thinking they can keep deer, bear and moose from crapping in potato fields with orange flagging tape and scarecrows.

   Most old-school farmers and their helpers in this area are astute problem solvers.  The old saying “fix it with duct tape and bailing wire” isn’t too far away from the engineering abilities of these folks.  They can get engines running, repair conveyor belts, rebuild walls and roofs and even get themselves out of a bind with their electrical issues until a contractor can be called in.  

    A Potato House Degree (P. h. D.) is essentially a degree in hard work and common sense and one need not necessarily have worked in an actual potato house to receive its credentials.  The only school one must attend to earn it is the school of life.  Those who learn multiple skill sets and excel at problem solving have the honorary title of P. h. D. conferred upon them by society. 

   For example, I’ve had a P. h. D. for years, even though I’ve never attended college or university (avoiding them actually enhances the P. h. D.)  I do, however, read continuously from books that have indexes and footnotes and have an insatiable curiosity about the world around me.

   While a Ph. D. will usually hire somebody (with a P. h. D.) to build his/her house; a P. h. D. holder can build his own.  For example, in 2012-13 I built the house my wife and I live in from the footings all the way to the roof.  While I did get some helpful advice from Jamie, at Rathbun Lumber, John Strid and my landscape contractor, Glenn Viola - all P. h. D. holders, themselves - I did nearly all of the actual construction work by myself.  I built the foundation forms, the box sill, the floor joists, the floor, the walls, the trusses, installed the cedar siding, installed the metal roof and finished the tongue and groove pine, reclaimed hardwood flooring and drywall pretty much by myself.  I also installed my own plumbing, gas, chimney and electrical and a fully functioning amateur radio station.  I can also cook and have been told my homemade bread is really good.  These are all skills any P. h. D. holder in good standing will posses and use to the benefit of him/herself and their family.

   I’ve been providing sound system contracting for over 30 years.  I have installed commercial sound systems in department stores and many drive-thru systems in fast food restaurants around Maine.  When I homeschooled our son, Robert, he even went with me on those job sites thus earning his P. h. D. at an early age.  Before the days of online internet streaming of audio to stores the in store background music was distributed via - among other methods - satellite, so I became proficient in the installation and service of satellite dishes and receivers.  While these systems may be designed by people with Ph. D.s, they’re actually installed and implemented by people with P. h. D.s.  You will never see Dr. So-and-So, Ph. D. climbing a 30 foot aluminum ladder to hoist cement blocks onto a flat roof to weight down a non-penetrating roof mount satellite dish support system; or climbing through some dark, dusty church attic to run wire and install the latest audio/video gadgetry; but you will see a P. h. D. holder do it nearly every time.

   We P. h. D. holders also aren’t nearly as confused about the simpler things in life as the Ph. D.s would like all of us to be.  For example, I can tell if a person is a male or a female very easily, based upon what their genitals look like.  There’s no confusion there.  However, many in society today have been duped by the intelligentsia in academia into thinking they are a gender other than the one they actually possess simply because they “think” they are.  Unlike the blatant ignorance and stupidity exhibited in the aforementioned orange flagging tape and scarecrows idea, however, this mind-screwing of the American public is being done on purpose by Ph. D. holders intent on deliberately messing with the minds of our youth as part of an overall plan of dumbing down the population and confusing them on something so fundamental and obvious as what gender they are.   While we have benefited from some of the research completed by Ph. D. holders, we are also suffering from either their ignorance or malevolence - attributes which are enhanced by their upper level standing in society and their ability to control how and what people think.

   Most Ph. D.s in academia, for example, will suggest that the road to the perfect society is paved with socialism.  They have no idea where money comes from to pay for all their grandiose plans for abundance and prosperity, but we P. h. D. holders know all too well:  It comes from labor - human labor - that has to be stolen in the form of taxation in order to give it to somebody else who has not exerted any labor to provide for themselves.

   Even those P. h. D. holders who haven’t studied history and government at the level I have understand that you can’t keep stealing from one group in society and giving it to another group indefinitely.  Common sense tells us that once a society figures out it doesn’t have to work and can instead rely on crooked politicians to steal the money from the producers (via taxation) to give to them for free, it won’t be long before everybody in society decides to go on that retirement plan.  The problem is, as we P. h. D. holders know all too well, is that when everybody is sitting at home waiting for a government check or recharged EBT card, then nobody will be out there producing the food, gadgets, fuel, vehicles, etc. that we all use on a daily basis.  What happens when the people who do choose to get up in the morning and go to work decide not to en masse?  Those who sit around waiting for government to take care of them will certainly be in for a rude awakening.  Ayn Rand wrote about this in her monumental work, Atlas Shrugged, where all of the producers in society went on strike and - with nobody left to steal wealth from - government was at a loss for any real solutions to providing a free living to the rest of society accustomed to receiving welfare benefits in perpetuity.  But, I feel like I’m digressing.

   Some Ph. D. holders understand these flaws in their ideology, but they have decided it’s okay to exploit the masses in this way by making them dependent on government handouts as a form of self-imposed slavery.  This allows the controllers of the system to remain in control, with large yearly salaries and retirement benefits while appearing as the savior of the lower class who is stuck living hand to mouth with no way out.  This is pretty sophisticated social programming, for sure, but rest assured we P. h. D.s have figured out their game. 

   Now, when it comes to self-defense, we P. h. D.s have a much better plan than the Ph. D.s.  Academia is convinced, for example, that the only way to have a safe and secure society is to eliminate all private ownership of firearms.  We P. h. D. holders know, however, that when seconds count, the police are always a half hour away.  We know that you can’t rely on police to protect your life, or the lives of your family members so you have to possess your own firearms to do so.  We also know the U.S. Supreme Court has even stated as much when ruling that police have no legal requirement to actually protect us - nor could they, since they can’t station a full time police officer with every person in the country on constant 24/7 watch. 

   Now, the Ph. D.s do secretly know this, but they play on the simplicity of those in society who think their plan would work.  The simple-minded in society haven’t been taught that every society in history who had their ability to defend themselves taken away from them was overrun and suffered under horrible criminals both private, and  in government.  Those governments have starved, tortured and killed all members of society who didn’t go along with them.  We P. h. D. holders know that is no way to sustain a free, prosperous and successful society for any considerable period of time.

   Now, you can take your Ph. D. and a $1.25 into a convenience store and get a cup of coffee.  But, if you have a P. h. D. you might be able to trade one of your skills or services for that cup of Joe.  While Ph. D.s have a place in society, it’s the P. h. D.s who actually make society run.


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